oh for fuck's sake!
July 02, 2008

/begin rant

here's my favorite thing in the whole fucking wide world.

when people read my diary, strangers, and then they comment or leave notes telling me that all i need is a nap, or some food, or exercise, and that should clear everything up.

sure, you have chronic, progressive, med resistant major depressive disorder that several shrinks and quite a few therapists have tried to treat unsuccessfully. you've been suicidal for over a year, but if you just got some good rest and a good meal, maybe run around the block a few times, that should clear things up.

gee, thanks. i never thought of that before, i'm cured!

i mean, i know people mean well, and they are just trying to be nice. but it's just the most frustrating thing in the world to hear that.

it's like when people say, "well, if you just lost weight, then you'd probably feel a lot better about yourself".

that's my second favorite thing by the way.

i actually had a shrink tell me that once. i never saw him again.

but i digress.

the thing is, i get it, you are just trying to be kind, you don't know what to say, you want to help. but i will tell you (the royal you, not any one specific "you"), comments like that don't help. it's like telling someone who has terminal cancer, "oh, well, if you would just eat more fruits and vegetables, you'd feel better." or telling someone who just lost their home and all of their cherished personal belongings in a fire, "well, just start making new memories and taking new photographs, you'll feel better soon."

it just doesn't work. it's that, "walk a mile in my shoes thing"...ya know?

i'd rather hear, "wow, you're really having a hard time, that sucks" or "i'm reading and i care" or "i'm sorry things are so horrible" than advice on what is going to make me feel better. cause frankly, you don't know what is going to make me feel better, and chances are, nothing is going to make me feel better.

anyway, i guess that's it.

/end rant

what it was - what it will be